Holy Mary mother of God...

My church is doing a series called Catholic Questions, about the differences of the Catholic church, and the Protestant church, and this has gotten me to think about Mary. A lot.

Can you imagine being a young girl, unmarried, and pregnant? Your whole community thinking you're a liar? I know that if some pregnant girl told me that she was a virgin I would not believe her.

Poor Mary. Being 9 months pregnant, and having to walk to Bethlehem. No thank-you. If it were me, And I was in labor, I would be expecting a 5-star birthing suit. Or at least a bed.

I have never actually though of the BIRTH of Jesus. Which is proof that the Bible was written by men. If a woman had written it it would have had chapters and chapters on every detail of our Saviors birth. Because that is what we woman do :).

So, back to Jesus. And Mary. Who gave birth to a baby. In a barn. And was most likely alone, or with Joseph. Who was just as terrified as her. She probably had no one there to hold her hand, to tell her to breath, and everything will be okay. Jesus was her first baby. I'm sure she had no idea what she was doing. She was about to give birth to the person who will save the world. Alone. No pressure Mary...none at all.

And she did it. She had to deal with the non-believing neighbors. Giving birth for the first time alone, and in a BARN. But she did. For me. For us. For Jesus. Her baby boy. I'm sure, like every mother says, she took one look at that little baby and was in love. Wrapped him in some swaddling clothes, and let him sleep in the only place she could find. A manger.

Thank you Mary. For giving us Jesus. For raising a Son who was taken from you. Your little boy, the baby who you taught to walk. Taught to talk. Kissed His boo boos when he got hurt. The baby boy whom you watched be beaten. Watched as nail were pounded into your boys wrists. As He took his last breath. He was not some man, sent to take away your sins. He was your son. Your baby.

And I cannot even imagine your pain. Thank you.

Dear future husband...

I want to adopt right away...ok??

I am blessed to know I want to adopt for years before I am married. So what do I do about my need for a African baby? In my head it goes like this... Right after engagement, I tell Husband, "If you marry me, we're going to adopt from Ethiopia, okay? Whether we get pregnant or not." He shrugs and says, "Sure. That's cool." Which will confirm for me that he is, indeed, my knight in shining armor.

But I am a weirdo. The normal woman probably doesn't think of adopting an orphan until she is already married and has experienced motherhood. Then her heart cries out for children who don't have a mother to love them in the same overwhelming way that she loves her babies. She imagines her own child, alone in an orphanage, and that thought keeps her awake night after night. She knows she can't go get them all, but maybe she could have just one.

But not me. I am selfish. I want my baby now. I want a boy, and I want to name him Silas. I can already see him in my mind...his big brown eyes, and large Ethiopian forehead, and dark curly, afro hair that I will let grow into a huge mass of cuteness.

But I need my man to agree with me. because thats how it works. Although I often hear of women telling me that they would adopt...if their husbands were ok with it.

Maybe if I were a man, I would be able to reach men about adopting. Not just a man, but what if I were a football coach!! THEN I would really know how to get inside their big ole man heads! I could make a video and put it on YouTube about what a blessing adoption is, saying that I understand their fears about money and all that guy stuff. I could even tell them that they could email me or hey, call me if they had any more questions.

If only I were a man...like Scott Oatsvall...then I might could reach them...

I might even throw in a beautiful little Chinese girl with a Tennessee accent, as a visual aid, to remind them exactly what it's all about.

I am a blog stalker.

I really am. I think I need help. I feel like I know these people who I have never met. But their stories are fantastic, and I can't seem to stay away. So if you get bored, here is some recommended reading :)

1. My absolutely favorite blog in the whole world. I hope to someday go to Africa on a missions trip...but I don't think I could ever give up everything like this girl did. She is living out her faith and it is truly remarkable what she is doing. You can read about Katie's life here.

2. This is the first family I nannied for. They are so much fun and have taught me sooo much. I always knew that I wanted to adopt from Ethiopia, and following their journey to their beautiful baby girl has only made my longing for my baby worse :) you can read their blog here.

3. I just love this lady and her family. I love how real she is, and does not pretend to be perfect all the time. She is pretty hilarious, and her little girl Lulu is flippin' cute!! Read it here.

"Friends are the family we choose for ourselves".

My family.

Where do you even begin with them? They are crazy, loud, huge, and obnoxious. And I love them. Usually. My sister is my best friend, and the one person who can really upset me more than anyone else. She is the one I know I can tell anything, and the whole family will know the next day. She is just Sarah. It took her years to learn the capital of France :) (what is it Sar...do you remember?) She is just like my mom. She is the one I call to ask about our childhood. "did that really happen, or am I making it up?" "Where/who did we live with when...?" She went through life with me. And life is sooo not easy, and sometime not so fun. We are only 15 months apart, and connected in a way I can't explain...even though I'm the smart one. :)

(I have no pics of us together besides this. ;))

Both my parents were one of six children...although my mom grew up with her 5 cousins too, so I really have 15 aunts and uncles. And they are crazy. Every summer, the 2nd weekend in July you can find the whole Jackson tribe camping in Wisconsin. It is the best weekend of the summer. There is a lot of alcohol, camp-fires, cousins, singing, canoeing, complaining, and laughing involved. It is fun...besides sleeping in a tent, peeing in the woods, one of your many cousins/uncles collapsing your tent in the middle of the night, getting sunburned in the canoe, getting your canoe tipped and losing your lunch. There was even a time when someone put a live chicken in my uncles tent for an entire day and it pooped over everything. That is the kind of thing my family does. Why, you ask? I have NO idea. They think it's funny. And it is, unless it's happening to you. Then you get pissed. Or at least I do. I love my family...I really do. But sometimes I just can't stand them. :) Thank God for friends. And for jobs that require moving across the country.

Back to friends. I have soooo many wonderful and amazing friends who have changed my life. and blessed me in so many ways. I wish I could write each and everyone of them...but I am so blessed that it would take me years! But I will throw out a couple :)

First is Carey and Stacey. My other family. The family that I spent numerous nights and holidays at their houses. Were I could just show up whenever I wanted, and was always welcomed. I don't think I could have gotten through high school, and Caitlyn's death without them. I don't think they know how much they mean to me. (a lot. FYI)

Kalene. Ohhhhh Kalene. :) My crazy, funny, amazing bff. You are the one I call sobbing all the time, and you never get mad. You are the one person who I can (and have) told everything to, and you never judge me. When I think about Washington I automatically think of you. I have no idea how we became friends. I did not even like you and all your hats when I first met you! We have so many inside jokes that sometimes I will see something that reminds me of you and just laugh. I can be 100% me with you, and I love that. I can be silly, or serious, or bitchy, and you love me no matter what. And I love you too.

Anna. My totally random friend. We met once and poured our hearts out. We are so similar, and you understand. I don't think you know how much your friendship means to me. I love our heart-to-hearts. And our silly drives. And Stella loves Olli :)

Brandy. You taught me sooo much. Some good, and some bad lol. You let me stay in your house whenever I needed...which was a lot. I think I could live with you forever and never get sick of you.

TT. My first NJ friend. You say whatever comes to your mind, and i have to remind you to behave when meeting new people. But I actually admire that about you. Not the way it scares people off, but that you don't care what people think. I wish i could be more like you. You are the one person who understands my longing for Washington, and the Northwest. And you like to Jersey Bash with me. You give me nanny advice, and since you went to nanny school it is usually really good!

Lacri. You make me behave. :) You live your life for the Lord...and I really admire that. You are really funny, and a bad backer-upper. You are my source for all information pertaining to lqd, and always know the gossip! My life would be soooo boring without you in it. You are so good at taking my jumbled mixed up feelings and questions about God and make me understand them...and are always patient. Thank you!

Kerry. I don't even know where to start. You have become my "Jersey Mom", and I don't think I could live without you. You have been so incredibly generous with me, and I could never thank you enough for all that you have given me. I love working with you on Sundays...well mostly. We all have our bad days:)...I admire your drive. You are always up for anything...and it is usually crazy, and usually your idea :). I secretly love it when people mistake me for your daughter. I hope I can grow up and be half as amazing as you are.

The numerous men in my life.

I am one lucky girl. Not many girls get to be loved by so many people. But I do! The first man to love me, and by far the most important, is Jesus. He loved me before I was even a thought in any ones head. And I love him too! (I'm not sure why this is blue, or how to change it. But my blog seems to like it. hmmm)

The next is my favorite little boy in the whole world. The one who changed my life more ways than I can count. The one who used to knock on our a joining walls and yell "Sissy, I'm awake!!" in the middle of the night. The one who peed in my mouth when I changed his diaper. Christofer is the best thing to ever happen to me. I hate being so far away from him, but I love how our love and relationship can continue form anywhere.

And then there is Aidan. My newest little love. I have some pretty fantastic Aunts...and I hope I can be as wonderful to him as they were to me. Aidan was just born, and although I got to spend precious little time with him, I get daily pictures and updates from his mommy. Who is probably my biggest frienemy. She was the one who was always there growing up. She is my big sister. She gets IT. That said...I usually can't stand her. We are WAY different and usually end our phone convos by one of us hanging up on the other. But all that has changed since Aidan has been born. (it's only been 2 months though, so we'll see what happens :))

And lastly, is my Dylan. The boy who stole my heart. I have been a nanny to many children...but have never felt like this before. Maybe because he is the only one? Or maybe because he is sooo darn cute? (I think it is that one). But I just love love love him. I don't even get (that) upset when he wakes up early. I know...I know. Pictures. Here you go! :)

Cute right? Right.

I need Jesus...

Desperately.

I know that, I really do. So then why do I still keep my guard up? Even to Him? When I lived in Washington He was my best friend. I talked to Him everyday, and He was always just there. So what is different? Why can't I find that same connection just because I moved? I really don't believe it was where I lived. So what am I doing different?

I had so many amazing people in my life when I lived in WA. People who have changed my life , and who have had a huge part of making me who I am. I will always be so grateful for every single thing that God has blessed me with (there are A LOT). But He has blessed me with even more extraordinary people here. People who love me for me, and people who love Jesus.

So why? I have an amazing church that I love. I volunteer on two service teams. I am in a bible study. I work harder here to be closer to God than I did in WA, yet I feel like it's not working. Don't get me wrong. I still LOVE Jesus, and I know he loves me. But something is different. And I want what I had back. Was it just the newness? Has the "honeymoon period" ended? So what do I do? If anyone out there in Blog land knows please tell me!

So enough of the serious stuff. How about a pic of the cuteness that I get to spend my days with??

Your welcome :)

There will be more on His Cuteness later. For now this nanny has to get to bed. Someone will be ready to play bright and early tomorrow :) xoxo